its running just after five. somewhere. at any given point on the globe, the world is in a rush to get home…so they can be busy yet again, either making dinner, picking up something for dinner, getting the kids so they can go get dinner.. or in a rush to get ready to go out yet again… only on a friday night… and sadly here i am.. @ work. thinking of you..again. damnit.
humans are strange creatures… and its because our behavior is so predictable.. unless we are given motivation, or some reason to change what we do, we as a species will never change what we know or are comfortable with. you are a great example of this, your routine is pretty much unbroken and predictable. from the time your eyes open in the morning, up to the time you go to bed at night, like a clock. from 0700 to 2100. every day, the same routine. any deviation and you panic. like you, i developed my own routine, and it was built around you. when you were a part of my life, i had always, always made it a point to think of you, at some point in the day, either briefly or for some period of time. i always thought about what you were doing, what i could do to make things better for you.. what we could do together in the future, what i could do to make that future happen.. in the hope, albeit foolishly, that you were thinking the same thing.. alas, some things are just never going to be known. ever since the day you decided to just up and quit. no reason given.
so its 5 o’clock…. somewhere… in my heart, your still here…like that scratch in a record that never allows the needle to go further from the last note played, forever will you be in my mind and heart, the same girl, over and over. until you are bumped from my memory.. you will haunt me like that lost, repetitive note. funny that, because for all i know, in your mind, im already that like that puff of dust in the corner of some forgotten room.. settling back down into some obscure part of your mind.
i envy you… you live your life blissfully without a thought of consequence for your actions, basically living each day without a conscience… that must be nice. unfortunately, i cant do that… i could never live with myself knowing that just because i think its 5 o’clock in either my personal or professional life with someone, that it would be ok to just up and quit. leaving things undone and unresolved is not who i am. i was raised where quitting was not an option. Leaving someone out in the cold and holding the bag, leaving them to make sense of the life you shattered…no, I couldnt bring myself to do that, and maybe thats where im better than you after all. i really wish i could get you to understand that.
oh hey, look @ the time…